Sweat. Claustrophobia. Dehydration.
So, who’s ready for Homecoming?
As a PHUHS sophomore, I have been around long enough to experience the infamous Homecoming Dance that occurs in the beginning of every school year. I’ve also been around long enough to say that the entire ordeal terrifies me to the very core.
Think about it. Over 1,000 people pay $35 each to cram into a room at Innisbrook for three or more hours of grinding, shouting, and sweating. How sanitary. Sure, it’s one of the best opportunities of the year to hang out with your friends outside of class, escape the stress of school, and dance the night away. There are right ways of enjoying the night, but wearing a dress that’s so short it barely passes for a one-piece bathing suit isn’t one of them.
And then there’s the Homecoming drama. Think of the Allstate commercials. You know, “I’m a teenage girl. My bff Becky texts and says she’s kissed Johnny. Well that’s a problem cause I like Johnny…I’m all ‘OMG, Becky’s not even hot.’” And with that lovely slice of teenage drama pie comes a night that ends in tears and a plethora of chocolate.
Are you a fan of actual dancing? Well, then you better hightail it back to cotillion because the only dancing you’ll find at Homecoming is a Congo line of disgusting proportions and entirely too much baby got back. Save the club moves for when you’re legal, sweetheart. Can you even drive yet?
Lastly, where did you get your outfit? Fredrick’s by Hollywood? Victoria’s Secret? Your underwear drawer? Please, I know it’s dark, but it’s still painful to look at all night. So for your Homecoming pleasure and safety, remain fully clothed, sane, and pop-lock-and-drop-it free.