But that’s not what I meant…

-When people engage in a discussion over differing opinions, they often become defensive about their ideas and ignore other perspectives. Understanding the difference between intent and impact can aid in the expansion of views.

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People see the word conflict and immediately think something bad.  While conflict can be harmful, in the right conditions, it can mean progression and growth.

“We as a new generation are very afraid of conflict,” Grant Twitchell, a University of Washington (UW) graduate and one of the Senior Admissions Counselors at UW, said.  With this fear of being confronted for having a different opinion, people choose to not speak, rather than speak their mind.  “It’s this fear that we all live with which stops us from having a space of growth, and from having a space of change, on yourself, with others, and society.”

Positive conflict is imperative for growth in society and expansion of world views.  This positive conflict is not possible, however, if there is a misunderstanding of the relationship between the terms “intent” and “impact.”

Intent versus impact is often discussed in relation to freedom of speech and the extent to which people have a responsibility to police their speech for the sake of others.

Most actions have intent.  If someone sticks out their foot to trip someone else, their intent is most likely to inflict harm upon that person.  The impact of that action is dependent on the person who is being tripped.  This person may take it as a joke and brush it off, or they may take it as a form of degradation and find it insulting.  Regardless of the original person’s intent, the person who was tripped received some sort of impact.

In this example, the person’s original intent was to hurt someone.  If the person who was tripped felt insulted or got hurt, then the impact reflected this intent.

However, sometimes people are unintentionally harmful.  In this case, the intent would not equal the impact.

It is practically impossible to always have positive impact.  Intent can always be neutral or positive, but you can’t control how others receive information.

It takes a lot of social awareness and self-education to know what is or isn’t problematic– and, these things are constantly changing.  Not everyone can be expected to learn all of these conditions.  However, it should be expected that when confronted about problematic behavior, people are willing to apologize and make a change for the sake of others.

If you accidentally run into someone in the hallway, you might quickly apologize before you continue on with your day.  You most likely didn’t hurt the person, but you were quick to express at least some concern.

So why is it that when people are called out for problematic behavior that may have caused unintentional harm to a person or group of people, that they become annoyed and get defensive rather than owning up and apologizing for their actions?

This is the type of conflict that could be transformed into a positive experience, with an understanding of the relationship between intent and impact.

Assuming that the person cares about the impact that they are having, they most likely don’t want to hurt people.  Accusing someone of being problematic and attacking them for it will not persuade them to change their actions in the future.

The person who is calling out problematic behavior also has impact.  They must be aware of their own intent, and if it is to educate someone, they should do it in a polite manner in order to have an effective impact.

One way to do this would be to ask what the person really meant with their comment or action.  This will allow both parties to gain understanding of where the other person is coming from.  Then they can discuss why the original comment or action could be taken negatively.

When this sort of discussion happens with open communication and an understanding for other’s views, positive conflict occurs.  People are able to grow and become aware of their actions and the impact they have when their problematic behavior is addressed in a positive way.

Human beings shouldn’t be afraid of conflict because without it, society can’t improve.  When there is an understanding of the impact one’s words can have on someone else, and there is a sensitivity to that impact, people can voice their opinions in a polite and effective way.  This allows people’s thoughts to be validated, and aids in the expansion of all perspectives.

Be socially aware and have positive intent.  Work to use your impact for good.